I find writing a blog quite easy and enjoyable in some ways and not in others. I enjoy it, I find it quite therapeutic in a lot of ways, I find it difficult sometimes to discern just what I should write (and not write) and in how much depth. I have a lot of depth… I also love that it is a record of our journey and what God is doing with us and our lives.
Writing as I feel is required and being truthful can be quite difficult when I start thinking about the readers and unless I’m vigilant I can start tailoring content so I have it easy, just get approval and write things people want to hear. I get that, I do, we all want to hear nice things. It’s just that was not the aim when I started this blog. The aim was to be open, honest, truthful and vulnerable (as well as quite comical at times). I wanted it to help people who may be thinking of doing similar things, to be an encouragement whilst being open and to portray God in a real way to people who do not know Him.
I have also not really had time nor the energy to actually go into much depth recently about how this time has been for us individually and as a family. It has been exciting at times and new and a blessing, but also stressful, new and speaking for myself, sometimes terrifying. We all find different things frightening and strangely, probably naively, I didn’t think moving here would bother me. I thought it would be exciting and new and that I would just throw myself into it. But in many ways I have been scared because it is so new, and I have frequently felt very anxious and stressed. I am very imaginative and I have to keep a firm grip on my thoughts and imagination, otherwise I get carried away…Bert and Ernie ing as Chris would say (because of a clip that he remembers from Sesame Street).
Escalation is what it means! Thinking something and then moving onto something else and then something else and then the whole world blows up.
Strangely, this has been good for me, although uncomfortable. I’ve had to get with God, to do as he says frequently “do not fear” and the only way I’ve been able to do this is by spending time with him and reading his word and then the situation changes almost without me realising. God makes me loving and kind, without Him, I am nothing, I have nothing. Thankfully, He is always with me because of Jesus and no matter what I think or feel he is always with me. He has made me (and anyone else who gives their lives to Him) a promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me and that is HUGE. Think about it, God who made you, who knows every hair on your head, who knows your thoughts before you think them, who knows absolutely everything about you…Loves you and will never leave you. He forgives you every sin ever, past present and future and does not change His mind.
God loves you. He also loves me. Jesus died for you. He died for me too. Jesus rose again for you so you can have new life with God. So can I and I have.
Perfect love casts out fear. Now that I find, is true. Again, I repeat, try Him.