I’ve been dallying about, avoiding writing anything, because I’ve been struggling. I didn’t want to be honest or admit it really. I don’t know if I have depression or anxiety again or whether it’s just because of circumstances and it will just get better. But I’m going to write.
I personally think it’s part of my journey. Something I have to go through to change me. I think when things are hard, they do, or rather God changes us through the circumstance and through coming to Him.
I’ve been feeling disconnected, short tempered, always on the verge of tears, when I get asked a question, I feel foggy and like I don’t know what to say. I’ve been thinking about my dad again too. But I am also almost always tired, so that’s probably got a lot to do with it. I also haven’t been eating that healthily or exercising. So that too will play a part… we will see.. and I will start looking after myself a bit more.
We went into our local Catholic Church (in the village) yesterday, just to have a look, as we hadn’t yet been in. It was beautiful. I love Catholic imagery, it evokes a very strong response inside of me. I also love the candles they have, I lit one and prayed. It was all very peaceful and very lovely. I’m glad we went in. Chris and I also felt God’s presence strongly in there. It didn’t surprise me, I thought we would. Which is different to what I would’ve thought a few years ago. God’s been changing me.
Anyway, don’t worry. I didn’t write this for sympathy or for people to get worried or write encouraging comments or anything else. (although feel free to 😆). I wrote it to get it out of me, so it isn’t festering inside me. So there it is…
This is also a very short period in our lives too, just a little snapshot, things always change and move on. Things will get better…there are also a lot of good things in our lives. I see this more and more, noticing little beautiful things in daily life and in people, particularly family – that’s God.
I’m also looking at how I structure our days and how to get a bit more of a routine going. I think that will help too.
‘the light shines in the darkness….’
Bye for now.