and I’m not sure what to write about. There’s a lot in my head again and I’m figuring as I write….
Christmas. Christmas is great. Since I came to know Jesus it’s loads better than before. I can remember feeling utterly hopeless, the year before I came to know Him, I didn’t want to go home from work on Christmas Eve and was in tears. One person noticed and helped me by just noticing and being nice basically (he was a Christian I worked with). Since then, there’s been a joy and meaning about it that although I (usually) liked it, changed Christmas utterly.
I’m actually not going to go into the birth of Jesus, or quote scriptures. Just know, He came for all of us, not just some.
What I am going to say is, this still didn’t stop me from grieving this Christmas. I’m still real, I still have feelings and thoughts and parts of this Christmas have been hard. Mixed in with the good.
If you haven’t read this before, we moved to Ireland in December 2018 and then my dad died in February 2019. My family all live in England, so we aren’t close by to them any more.
So, a week or so before Christmas I was feeling ok, I’d been through another intense grieving patch a few weeks before and was thinking that maybe that was it and I was ok. Then the Saturday before Christmas this year, it hit me again. When I say hit, I mean HIT. It is like being hit in the gut and heart with fresh realisation. I see his face and hear his voice and just physically feel the separation. This is the best way I can describe it. It carried on into Christmas morning on and off and then got better again. Although I have found grief does that, it comes and goes and is deceptive. Getting through Christmas minute by minute with Jesus was good though. He is always here, giving meaning and comfort and reassurance. The one who never leaves.
So to all those who find Christmas difficult, I know all our experiences are different, but just keep going, minute by minute if necessary. Try talking to God, He really does make it better. He’s also a long term God. You may not see the way through right now, but there is one.
God bless you.