Smallholding.

It’s been a gorgeous day today, both sunny and slightly windy, so we’ve made the most of it and have been outside most of the day, the boys playing and running around while I’ve been mowing and planting and weeding. Whilst I was planting onions (it’s a bit late, the weather hasn’t been great), I was thinking. It was a great way to think, down on my knees planting onions, with the sun shining and the wind blowing. The kids were happy too, so it really was nice.

So, I was thinking and I got to thinking about how I’d wanted a smallholding for quite a long time. A memory came to mind of an away day I’d been on with the district nursing team when I first went on the district full time. We were all around a table and we had to tell them something about ourselves they didn’t know, I said I would like a smallholding one day. I also know that I’ve wanted one since I was about 5, there was one in the area I grew up in and I used to walk past with my mum and look at the goat and the chickens and really want that very same thing. It just looked so cosy, to use a really strange word to describe it.

Then I started thinking about how scripture says ‘delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart’, then I started thinking about how we talk about how when we delight ourselves in God He changes our desires in line with His and therefore our desires change, which is often true. But it suddenly dawned on me that it’s not always true, I now have what was the desire of my heart when I was about 5 and I’m very glad I’m not God, because if I was I’d be saying, ‘I’ve given you what you wanted and what do you do? you moan! nothing’s every good enough for you!’ haha. And this has been true at times, the adjustment has been hard sometimes and so has being away from family and friends. I’ve also questioned occasionally whether it was actually God’s will that we came here or whether it was my own selfish ambition (which the bible also warns about). But God doesn’t say that, He just carries on changing me and working in me for His good and is patient and kind. He put desires in me which were good desires even when I didn’t know him. He knew me. Even back then.. We know that’s what the bible says, but when you have real examples of it in your own life and see it, it’s so beautiful. Now to trust Him with the rest of it and do what He tells us.

Some may argue or say, well, you obviously made it happen, you wanted it so much. Whilst there is a degree of truth to this as we did have to do our bit to get here. I would say no, as it wasn’t that long ago I was completely in debt with no way out for what looked like a long time, God dealt with that, He put Chris and myself together, He gave us the kids and the means to do it. His ways really are a mystery but I do know He loves people and life and what happens really is a massive story unfolding, one that we often have no idea about, but He does.

Life with God is exciting and it can be unpredictable and I love that and I never want to forget it. I love being surprised by God.

Cathy.