Warning: I do talk about a car accident in this, not in graphic detail, but it is there.
Well it’s been quite a week, but I’m having to decide what to put in here. Do you know, someone said to me not that long ago ‘all will be well in the Lord’ and she’s right. It will. No matter what is going on here and now. All will be well in the Lord. If it isn’t now, it will be one day. And by Lord I mean Jesus. I love these verses: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6).
It’s so good to know that Jesus gives hope. That is what he gives. You know, sometimes I’ve thought of the whole thing in terms of ‘oh no, people who die who don’t know him, won’t be in heaven’. And that, to me, is just absolutely heartbreaking. But I’ve come to realise, yes there is a decision to make to follow Jesus, for Him to be Lord of our lives, but me/us knowing someone’s decision is not the last hope. The last hope is someone crying out to God wherever or in whatever circumstance they’re in. Even at the end of their life, or especially maybe. For God to speak to them too. A thing that gives me hope is that I know a lot of people’s default when terrible things happen is to actually pray. Because the need for God, the knowledge of God (as far as I am concerned) is built into us, whether we are completely aware of this or not. And God is full of mercy too, which is something I think we sometimes forget.
You know, I wondered about God and the afterlife a lot in my life before becoming a christian. From childhood all the way through my adulthood, up to 34, when He drew me to Him permanently. We seek solace and hope in so many ways don’t we? When I was a child, I can remember reading my bible, on my own, in my bedroom. But I didn’t really get it. When I was older, things happened and I got very angry and upset and yelled at God and told people He didn’t exist. But He did and does.
Then other things happened, I had a baby one week before I was 21, I lived with her dad at that time, and then, I think when she was one, there was an accident. Her dad was driving his parents to an airport on the M1 when our car broke down. They pulled up onto the hard shoulder and waited for his brother in law to come and rescue them. From what I remember he pulled up and they started transferring the bags and then a lorry hit the cars on the hard shoulder and left the motorway. When he hit one car, that car hit the other and in that process, my girl’s dad and his parents were seriously injured and his brother in law was killed. I got one of those phone calls in the early hours of the morning from the hospital to come in and my parents came to look after my girl and my dad drove me to the hospital. I’ll never forget the horror of those first few weeks. All our lives were impacted and changed, whether mentally or physically, they changed.
I can remember being terrified in the hospital. I wasn’t a nurse then and knew very little about what was going on. I can remember walking about the corridors literally sobbing and not knowing what to do. There was a lot happening. I won’t go into it all. I can remember being terrified when they said how long he was going to be in hospital, it actually wasn’t as long as they predicted. I can also remember getting a prank phone call from someone who presumably knew him and pretended to be him and pretended to be in pain, telling me I had to come in quickly. I went straight into the hospital and he knew nothing about it. People can be horrible.
I can remember at his brother in laws funeral, feeling absolutely furious because the vicar was talking about him being somewhere ‘better’.. To me, where could be better that at home with his young boy and his wife.. I was only about 22 I think (I apologise if any of this is wrong, it was a long time ago). But I can also remember over the coming months that it was probably one of the first times I contemplated whether there was life after death properly. As in seriously. It is a serious business really. I cried a lot!..
I think we all have these moments, I can remember another time, years after, when I’d broken my heel. I was a single parent by then and felt quite scared and very alone. I’d had surgery on it and had a pot on and all that, which may not sound that serious, but it was to me. I had moments of pure misery, where I recalled all the things I’d done wrong. I even tried to apologise to a couple of people for stuff that was quite a while ago. And what strikes me is it’s so similar to what God does when you know him. He brings you to repentance. But when you know him, you know where to put all this stuff. You bring it to him and if it is necessary, you do make amends. But it is God who forgives.
I am sorry if people don’t like me writing about all this. I’m not after pity, I just love contemplating how God works in people’s lives and how He can work in our lives. He works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes (Romans 8:28) and the good news is that I’m not one of the spiritual elite. He’s there for you too. Not just me, or the chosen few. He’s there. This is not to negate the absolute horror of what happened to us or what happens to others, it’s still horrible.
I can remember all too clearly from several times in my life, the horror of life, the horror of what can happen or what has happened. The feeling that you’re in some sort of nightmare from which you cannot escape every time you open your eyes in the morning, every time you lie there in bed unable to sleep, as well as many other situations. But what I can also tell you is that God is there, as Revelation 3:20 says, … I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.
That’s a promise and that is that is that.
God bless you one and all.
Cathy.
The Shepherds Adventure 