It’s funny but I was just sat here having a cup of tea and suddenly thought ‘my dad’s died’ and teared up. Isn’t it strange how losing someone effects you. Normal morning, normal conversation, feeling pretty ‘normal’ then ouch, pain. I suppose it makes me aware to the fact that there is a lot going on inside all of us though. Definitely more than meets the eye.
1 Samuel 16:7
But theLordsaid to Samuel. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For theLord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but theLordlooks on the heart.”
This is one of the many reasons I love God, he sees our hearts, not just our outward appearance. Thank you Lord.
I don’t. Life is busy with the family and house. Grief for my dad keeps coming in waves – memories, pictures in my mind mainly, regrets, nice thoughts, grief for my mum. I’m ok, then not. But life does go on. It’s hard for me, being here at the moment in some ways. I miss things, places, people, normalness (not sure that’s a word, but hey). I know a fair few people are probably thinking get a grip, look where you are! But that’s how I’m feeling at this point. It’ll change, but at this moment of writing it’s true. It’s all a process…
So hello – in a nutshell, both cars are now Irish plated, so insured and taxed legally too… As I write, Chris is working on the car to try and get it through its test. He’s a star. His new job seems to be going well…I need to find a carpenter and a tiler to sort the kitchen and bathroom, then we can get a bath and have some kitchen storage (we are really looking forward to that). The electrician hasn’t yet turned up, so I’ll probably have to find someone else. I’ll look on done deal (an Irish selling site), I think, there’s always people advertising on there. We just need a few bits checking out, an immersion doing, outdoor lamp and cooker point wiring in. Also need to get a normal cooker for the warmer months when we won’t have the range on. I’ve started planting seeds in pots (mainly flowers) and bought the seed potatoes, so I’ll be doing them soon ish. Growing things is always good. It is a good thing.
I’m praying that knowledge of God grows in this place and in our families, proper knowledge through Jesus, our beautiful saviour. I pray that we can help people know our Jesus is also their Jesus, that he lived, died and rose again for them. ‘Tis true!
Not bad to say I didn’t know what to write at the beginning.
I’m feeling a lot of stuff at the moment. A lot of emotion, a lot of pain in my heart about my dad. This is all I’m willing to put up about it really. I really, really miss him, which seems strange in some ways because I moved to Ireland and hadn’t seen him in person for 2 1/2 months, but I miss him, I feel like part of me is gone somehow. I wish I’d seen him, I wish I’d got to him, I wish…But I spoke to him a day or so before which is good. I can still hear his voice when I think about it. I keep seeing his face in my mind’s eye, hearing his voice, saying hello lovely girl. I think I’m okay and then I feel devastated again. It seems impossible that he is gone. I keep asking for him back.
Here’s to all of you who’ve lost someone, we all do and it hurts so much. I suppose the cliche is that when we love, we will also have pain at some point. It’s all part of the cost of loving someone and I’m not giving up love.