I don’t. Life is busy with the family and house. Grief for my dad keeps coming in waves – memories, pictures in my mind mainly, regrets, nice thoughts, grief for my mum. I’m ok, then not. But life does go on. It’s hard for me, being here at the moment in some ways. I miss things, places, people, normalness (not sure that’s a word, but hey). I know a fair few people are probably thinking get a grip, look where you are! But that’s how I’m feeling at this point. It’ll change, but at this moment of writing it’s true. It’s all a process…
So hello – in a nutshell, both cars are now Irish plated, so insured and taxed legally too… As I write, Chris is working on the car to try and get it through its test. He’s a star. His new job seems to be going well…I need to find a carpenter and a tiler to sort the kitchen and bathroom, then we can get a bath and have some kitchen storage (we are really looking forward to that). The electrician hasn’t yet turned up, so I’ll probably have to find someone else. I’ll look on done deal (an Irish selling site), I think, there’s always people advertising on there. We just need a few bits checking out, an immersion doing, outdoor lamp and cooker point wiring in. Also need to get a normal cooker for the warmer months when we won’t have the range on. I’ve started planting seeds in pots (mainly flowers) and bought the seed potatoes, so I’ll be doing them soon ish. Growing things is always good. It is a good thing.
I’m praying that knowledge of God grows in this place and in our families, proper knowledge through Jesus, our beautiful saviour. I pray that we can help people know our Jesus is also their Jesus, that he lived, died and rose again for them. ‘Tis true!
Not bad to say I didn’t know what to write at the beginning.
As the title says, we’re back. We got a sickness bug as soon as we got back unfortunately, but we’re gradually recovering. I haven’t had anything like that for years, the first day, I had to lay flat otherwise I was sick and the boys are still vomiting occasionally. Chris had it last week so he’s been ok this week, but he felt exactly the same last week. So fun!
Other news… Chris got a job doing nights last week, it was part time. He’s now been offered a different job which is full time days, which will suit him and us a lot more than nights, starting next week. Everyone involved has been fab, the place he has just left were amazingly gracious too. Praise God. He’s got a full time job!
House wise – the fascias, soffits and gutters were done yesterday, so that’s another tick off the virtual to do list. Again, it was someone who came recommended by the fella who cleared around our house and he did a brilliant job.
Chris is currently asleep upstairs and I’m downstairs with the boys, watching television. I’ve just finished reading a full book for the first time in years. I used to love reading, in fact I was an avid reader. Not so much in recent years, I remembered how much pleasure I used to get from reading and thought I’d start again. I’ve loved it, Heidi is a beautiful book. It also came about because I was thinking about my dad and one of the big things he gave me was a love of reading, he used to take us to the local library every Saturday morning when we were kids, without fail and to book shops when he or my mum could. It’s a good gift to give, a love of reading, it leads to so much more. It feeds the imagination, it gave me a love of writing, I find it relaxing, it’s quiet, beautiful. I’ve realised I quite like quiet. It is possible too!
The next step for me I think when we are better is to start planting seeds. We’re really looking forward to seeing them sprout and grow. Spring has sprung! It’s legging it down today though, so indoors today.
I’m feeling a lot of stuff at the moment. A lot of emotion, a lot of pain in my heart about my dad. This is all I’m willing to put up about it really. I really, really miss him, which seems strange in some ways because I moved to Ireland and hadn’t seen him in person for 2 1/2 months, but I miss him, I feel like part of me is gone somehow. I wish I’d seen him, I wish I’d got to him, I wish…But I spoke to him a day or so before which is good. I can still hear his voice when I think about it. I keep seeing his face in my mind’s eye, hearing his voice, saying hello lovely girl. I think I’m okay and then I feel devastated again. It seems impossible that he is gone. I keep asking for him back.
Here’s to all of you who’ve lost someone, we all do and it hurts so much. I suppose the cliche is that when we love, we will also have pain at some point. It’s all part of the cost of loving someone and I’m not giving up love.