No condemnation

The bible tells us that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. No condemnation. None! But I know I often/usually do not live like this. So I’ve started a bible study through you version on it and am talking to God, doodling ideas and thoughts and generally asking God’s spirit to show me the truth.

I think through past stuff, things that have happened, things I’ve done I still hold onto feeling worthless when In fact the opposite is true, because of Jesus.

The Holy Spirit cleanses us from all unrighteousness and although we still do sin, in the bible study it pointed something out I’ve never thought of before – we now hate the sin, even though we may still do it. Isn’t that a gift!!!?? Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Haha.

In other news, our littlest is now sleeping in his cot and It’s going fairly well. And he can now climb stairs and onto the settee. Nothing is safe any more! He climbed on this morning because his brother was sat there eating a banana and J then shared it with him. Which was nice!

I love these little parts of life. Watching them change and grow. Finding things out, learning things. It happens so fast at this age too. Life is most definitely a miracle.

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Not much news today but…

I still want to write so I am. There is a little news, our report on the house from the engineer will be coming on Monday for us to read. So that should be interesting reading…

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This house ↑↑ (in case you need reminding) (or haven’t read our blog before) In Ireland, even though originally it was the Orkney’s, then Shetland (our croft buy fell through). So it is quite different in some ways from the original plan, as it is about 1 1/2 hours away from the coast, whereas in Shetland, the croft was really close to the shore and in the Orkney’s you’re never far away from the sea. Still, an hour and a half isn’t that far.

It is rural and beautiful with nearby village schools and a bit of land but not too much for us (3.3 acres to be precise) as opposed to the masses of land there was with the croft, so I guess we will read the report on Monday and hopefully not have a nasty surprise. Having read a lot of home reports when we were house hunting in Scotland (they are available when you are looking, you don’t have to have one done) we think we know what to expect.

It’s been a funny old day. We’ve been out with the dog and got soaking wet, collected some “treasures” while we were out (hazel nuts, elderberries, acorns) it was fun actually! There were even some blackberries still out, but other than that we’ve been in and not really doing a lot. Chris’s new fpv goggles have arrived, so he is very happy!

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(he did give me permission to use this photo :D)

So I did this friends thing on facebook….

and I’m not sure how I feel about it! It was this status that you copy and paste that said …………………….write down how you met me……….. and most of the people seemed to be from church. I loved it and it reminded me of the friends I do have but….

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my church, deeply. But I do feel I’ve placed it and the area it is in on a bit of a pedestal when I should have been concentrating on where I am in Chesterfield. Just to be clear, my church is about ten miles from where I live, so not a massive distance, but when it comes to having close friends and community, it seems to make a massive difference.

I won’t lie, since having children I’ve been frequently lonely. I feel like I’ve wasted time being lonely actually. When I could have just been out there having fun and being with my kids and not worrying. That makes me sad. I should have concentrated on my own community where I live and made friends. The post natal depression didn’t help! But I’m fine now.

I know I did make a few and you are out there, but life with small children and friendships is actually quite difficult. Most women work as well as bring their children up and also have partners as well. So life is busy and time limited.

Everyone says “go to groups!!!” but to be quite honest I find a lot of groups to be more dispiriting that not going. I find it a fake indoors environment where you sit around talking nonsense or worrying about your child’s behaviour and being unsure as to whether it is “appropriate” (another word I don’t like). and trying to make friends with people who, quite frankly, don’t appear to want to actually be friends. Maybe it’s just our English non embracing of others, our restraint, but I don’t like it.

If I was staying here, I think I would have made more of an effort, invited people out, gone to the park and spoken to people. It’s actually quite easy, I did it yesterday, we went to our local park and stayed quite a while, J made a friend (amazing how easy we find it when we are three) and ran around for ages. The little one shuffled round climbing on things and I chatted with J’s friend’s grandma. It was great.

I have actually loved being a full time mum. Loved it. And I will keep on loving it. But now, I am going to embrace this time and love my kids and teach them and enjoy them. (and learn from them hopefully). J goes to school in a year, and I have beaten myself up in some ways because everyone seems so obsessed with nurseries and I seem to have been continually asked since J was born if he was going or when he was going to nursery.  Particularly when he was going through a tough time like when he went through a hitting phase (like nursery would sort him out??!!)

J hasn’t gone to nursery and still isn’t at the moment is the answer. And you know what? he is an intelligent, well adjusted and knowledgeable three year old. With all the traits of a normal three year old, including some defiance, screaming heebie jeebies, and refusing to leave the park when asked saying he wanted to stay there forever. He makes friends easily when out, he is sociable and he seems very secure. Again, not going to nursery when very young is not a bad thing… (neither is going, may I add to my working friends, I know how hard it is).

Having said that we will try and find a pre-school when we get to Ireland. But only because he is getting to that age where I feel it would be helpful and I think he would enjoy it. I have often felt that by being at home, what on earth have I given him? But more and more as he gets older I feel I am seeing what we have given him, and that is good.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not slating working parents. I’ve been there, done that, and this parenting decision is entirely our decision. It is because I’ve been there, done that, that I made this decision. I did my nurse training whilst my daughter was little. We are also in the privileged position of (just) being able to do it financially.

So I suppose the point of this is, parenting is difficult, but I’m not sure we get it right in this country. There are so many lonely parents, being sold this image of parenthood that it just doesn’t live up to. Being told that nursery is the right place for their child, being made to feel that they have to work. Being told “you can have it all” when in fact it is incredibly difficult and something always has to give.

I also don’t get why we as parents don’t get this sorted, there seems to be a sort of paralysis of parents being perpetually lonely or unfulfilled. This doesn’t seem to have changed in the last 20 odd years (remember I have a 23 year old daughter too). I know I am generalising massively but I am speaking from my experience of trying loads of different kids groups over the past three years and meeting lots of different parents.

So, I’ve decided to try and do my bit from now on by simply welcoming other parents with a big smile and an ear to listen wherever I am. By being open and welcoming and take it from there. No agenda. No preconceived ideas.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children of one’s youth.
 Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

(Psalm 127:3-5)

(I’m really hoping this post is not offensive, massive apologies if it is…parenting and friendships are tricky subjects, I am working my own thoughts out really, I feel like God is doing stuff in me at the moment, working things through…)

Another one off the bucket list!

We went to Matlock Farm Park today with my parents and one of J’s cousins. It was great! I cannot believe I have lived fairly close by for so long and have not been. It is well set out, in fact it is set out better than a lot of zoo’s I have been to and it has all sorts to keep everyone busy and interested.  We saw and bet on a ferret race and my parents won a free family pass, we looked at a boa constrictor and a tortoise close up and picked up a bearded dragon. The staff are brilliant too and seem really knowledgeable. The animals look well looked after and have good spaces, there are loads of picnic areas/benches and play areas and the food was basic and really nice! Probably the best day out we’ve had in ages!

So another off the before we leave Derbyshire list!

The littlest’s passport came today, that is some good turn around! We only sent the application in a week and a half ish ago. He has the cutest passport picture in the world!

 

 

 

Hello?..after a short break…

So I’ve not written anything for about a week and a half… what to write??

It’s been a fairly busy week or so, celebrating little one’s birthday, with the horrendous one year jabs the day after too. I had no idea until we got there that they now have one in each limb… We’ve also all been ill in some shape or form but are now better and have also knocked a couple of things off the “things to do before leaving” list – we went to Clumber Park, we paddled in the river, I made a very chocolately birthday cake, which was lovely if I may say so myself and just generally been busy with life. I also have a Sozo appointment that has come through and am trying to decide whether to do it.

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We have decided to go and visit Ireland soon to see what it is like and are just waiting on a passport coming through and then we will book. We’ve also had some questions through from our buyer’s solicitor’s and have answered them and are now awaiting a response to that….and hopefully a date at some point…we are still keeping an eye on the property in Scotland too, but nothing is drawing our attention at the moment.

Watch this space.

I just keep reminding myself that God is not just good, He is supreme and in charge and loving and kind. No matter what life throws at us, He is in charge. Our lives are not our own, they have been bought at a price. That price is Jesus. Just printing his name makes me feel better. Jesus. No longer a swear word but the love of our lives.

 

 

Family

I have to be careful today because I feel upset about something (partly my own fault) and what I really want to do is rant, but I made a sort of pledge when I started this that I would try not to use it to slate anyone or anything if I could help it.

Instead I will focus on my beautiful family.

My gorgeous husband, it has been a very tough, busy and awesome five years, we just get stronger and stronger because we are determined just to keep loving and going. He is amazing, he has a quiet strength and an ability not to care what others think that I just don’t have at the moment. He strengthens me through this. He is also brilliant with the children and often has more patience than me.

Our children, determined, lively, gorgeous, future world changers. J is amazing, he prayed for his dad the other day because he stood on a nail, the pain then disappeared. J tells me I’m beautiful when I’m sad (without prompting) and asks me how I am, he says thank you very much when you give him something, he tells you straight if he doesn’t like something, he often creeps in close when he is sat next to you and places his hand on you gently. He has so much empathy and compassion and love in him it is amazing. He is also very sensitive to environments.

The baby is just so so determined, if he wants something he will have it, he is smiley and cuddly and absolutely loves his brother to bits. Smiles and laughs every time he is around him.

We also have two other beautiful children who are not pictured but loved just as much.

And the only other thing I wish to say today is, we do our best. We always do our best. Our kids are going to be world changers, partly because we encourage them, love them and try to love them like God loves us. Mainly because they were made for that, by God.