Category: Healing

Be kind to yourself?

I was thinking this morning, learn to be kind to yourself, you don’t have to do, do, do, you don’t have to get certain things done by a certain time, you don’t even have to indulge in endless activities for the children – that does not make a good parent as far as I’m concerned. Giving time is better I think…However, I then started thinking, is this biblical? I thought, the bible tells us to “die to self” but then God’s grace is for all and he also says to love others as you love yourself.

How does he tell us to love? Love as he has loved us.

How has he loved us? An innocent man (God) died for us, in our place. Through this we have forgiveness of every sin, we have life – before we come to Christ we are dead in our sins and transgressions. We have restoration and freedom, we are back to how it was before the fall. We can walk with God in the garden. Jesus removes the barriers to God, all of them. We have healing, which seems to come in a variety of forms. The main one as I see it is of being restored to God, of the gap being filled, our purpose in this life being revealed. God’s healing is truly holistic, he heals the root causes and true healing then follows. God never papers over the cracks and is always truthful with us, lovingly truthful. God always listens to us and delights in us coming to him, he answers prayer. He delights in us being us (he made us). In short, he heals, he loves, he restores, forgives, accepts, changes us, listens, redeems, comforts us, counsels us, gives us wisdom and grace. I have probably left some points out, but you get the gist.

So how does this translate, before I go off at a complete tangent? How am I supposed to love myself and others without being self seeking and self absorbed? This is the famous scripture that is read at so many weddings:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind;

love does not envy or boast;

it is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way;

it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends…

(1 Corinthians 13:1-8)

Doing this without the power of the holy spirit as far as I can see is hopeless. This is the template for love and how it is possible to love and as far as I am concerned it is an amazing checklist. No more fakey, kiss, kiss, type of love, but real, tangible, raw love. Love that requires sacrifice and perseverence, not fake smiles. Love that lasts.

I suppose all this love stuff, also goes hand in hand with the fruits of the spirit – “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control” (Galatians 5:22-23). So, I guess the trick is, abide in God, know who he has made you to be, ask for the fruit of the spirit and follow him. Aha! so easy 😀 haha.

So, back to the original question? is it biblical to be kind to yourself? I guess it is as long as it is being kind and not just indulging your each and every whim. I know I need to look after myself and in particular get rest, because if I don’t everyone suffers! The aim of being kind to myself should really be to show God and His love to others…not just for me to sit here thinking of ways to indulge myself. Outwards facing, not inwards….

On another note, we are definitely off to Ireland next week! I am so excited, I’ve never been before! So many adventures this year, a very different year to previous ones! Life has most definitely been an adventure since knowing God, but this year, things have changed again. “Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done wonderful deeds…” (Ps 98:1)

 

 

 

Joy comes in the morning..

I was listening to worship this morning and there was that line “and joy comes in the morning”. The scripture related to this is the psalm 30 and below is Psalm 30:1-5:

I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
    and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
    and you have healed me.
O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
    you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
    and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
    and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
    but joy comes with the morning.

(The emphasis is mine,it is what speaks to me most this morning)

This is what God has done for me every single time I’ve done it, when I have cried out for help, he has healed me/the situation. So when I am feeling low, when I am in a situation in which I feel there is no way out, I KNOW from previous occasions and from knowing the love of God that all will be fine, no matter how it looks now. A lot of the stuff I worry about actually does not even matter.

This doesn’t mean it is easy, I find it very difficult when I’m lost in whatever has happened, or in circumstances or even my own feelings, but this does not detract from the truth that he heals and restores. He gives joy in the midst of mourning and difficulties as well as in the good times. It is a very weird thing, I’ve tried finding my own joy and it is impossible, but when I look at God, at who he is, at what he says in the bible and in my own quiet (or noisy) times with him, Joy comes.

So look at him, He knows where you are, He knows your tears and your fears and is with you, you don’t have to be any certain way with God. He created you and knows you inside out, every last little bit of you, every thought before you think it, every action. With Jesus, everything you have ever done wrong, everything you are doing wrong, every future sin, is forgiven. He is the giver of life and joy.

I am preaching to myself, yet again too, I’m feeling subdued and a little lacklustre at the moment, I really need to know his goodness and love and I am learning every day that all of this comes from Him. I don’t need to manufacture it myself.

he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
    and gave him the name above all other names,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 and every tongue declare that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

(Philippians 2:8-11)

Family

I have to be careful today because I feel upset about something (partly my own fault) and what I really want to do is rant, but I made a sort of pledge when I started this that I would try not to use it to slate anyone or anything if I could help it.

Instead I will focus on my beautiful family.

My gorgeous husband, it has been a very tough, busy and awesome five years, we just get stronger and stronger because we are determined just to keep loving and going. He is amazing, he has a quiet strength and an ability not to care what others think that I just don’t have at the moment. He strengthens me through this. He is also brilliant with the children and often has more patience than me.

Our children, determined, lively, gorgeous, future world changers. J is amazing, he prayed for his dad the other day because he stood on a nail, the pain then disappeared. J tells me I’m beautiful when I’m sad (without prompting) and asks me how I am, he says thank you very much when you give him something, he tells you straight if he doesn’t like something, he often creeps in close when he is sat next to you and places his hand on you gently. He has so much empathy and compassion and love in him it is amazing. He is also very sensitive to environments.

The baby is just so so determined, if he wants something he will have it, he is smiley and cuddly and absolutely loves his brother to bits. Smiles and laughs every time he is around him.

We also have two other beautiful children who are not pictured but loved just as much.

And the only other thing I wish to say today is, we do our best. We always do our best. Our kids are going to be world changers, partly because we encourage them, love them and try to love them like God loves us. Mainly because they were made for that, by God.

 

last post until Monday – healing

It occurred to me today that I’ve lost my focus a bit in regards to taking opportunities given to me by God. Specifically opportunities to pray for people and declare healing over them.

And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” (Mark 16:17-18)

selective focus photography of child s hand on person s palm
Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas on Pexels.com

The reason it occurred to me was I’d just taken the dog out with the kids around a local reservoir and in the car park I was sat in the car, another one pulled up with a couple in it and I gave them my parking ticket because there was time left on it. I believe I then missed/did not take a God opportunity that was given me. The man was with his wife and he said at least twice, we are only here briefly to have a look around, we can’t go far because my wife has a dodgy knee. Immediately, “pray” popped into my mind, but instead there was an awkward silence and I said well it is very nice here  and then reversed out and left. Driving up the lane, I knew I should have prayed for her and I nearly went back and again didn’t….

It then occurred to me that I used to look for every opportunity to pray for people, especially for healing and that I hadn’t done this as part of my normal everyday life for quite a while – apart from at home with the children. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a self condemning, “I’m so baaaad” post, it is an observation that I believe the Holy Spirit highlighted to me and is such an opportunity.

So I am going to include any testimonies of prayer, God moving, people being prayed for or not and healings as part of this blog. I am praying and asking now for more opportunities in this area as part of our everyday lives. I love the part where the scripture says “you will lay hands on the sick and they will recover” it says they “will” recover and also it says “recover” and that means they will not always be instantaneously healed on that occasion.

Recovery is an act of restoration, something that Jesus is very good at. If you are sick today, ask him to help you. Also, myself or Chris would love to pray with you or for you. Feel free to post pray requests or message them.

If you read the New Testament there are multiple accounts of Jesus healing the sick and also in my own life since being saved by Jesus I have seen people healed including myself. I would also LOVE people to post in the comments testimonies of their own healing through God.

in my own life – I have had my womb healed and since had two babies, prior to this I had a miscarriage and I do believe there was something wrong with my womb which caused this.

My husband Chris had such a bad back he could hardly bend or move on occasions when I first met him, he was healed, suddenly, without any prayer at all. I had been talking about healing to him the day before and then his back was healed the next day.

I have a friend who was healed from extensive cancer with secondaries.

I have seen someone who could only walk with severe pain then run down the aisle and jump and clap his feet together.

But….I would like to see more…..

The greatest healing of all is actually the gift of salvation, in which healing in every way takes place and you are reunited with God through Jesus sacrifice and resurrection. However, God obviously, (when you read scripture) also wants to heal people from illness and disease. I also know that healing does not always take place, not healing that we see, but I trust God in this and it does not detract from the love and power of God, it just means we do not understand how the big picture works.

There is so much you can say on this subject, it is a massive thing and when you start looking into it there are debates about it, ways recommended of doing it, petitional prayer vs commanding the illness or whatever it is to leave, but I want to keep it simple and just be prompted by the Holy Spirit (God) on how to pray and what to pray for.

I have been fascinated by God healing people for a few years or so now, as a nurse I used to pray when I was dressing wounds, looking after people with terminal illness etc, not always with them knowing, often very quietly, occasionally with them. There was one occasion when I was dressing someone’s leg, she had very extensive skin loss/ulceration to both lower legs and her bed bound husband suddenly sat bolt upright and started singing Abide with me really well and really loudly. It was great.

I love looking at something, say a wound and knowing that God can recreate skin and flesh and make the area new, just at a word. That he can rebuild and renew people, that he can heal anything and anyone, that he can and does cure cancer. I also know (as I have already mentioned) that not everyone gets healed but that God is still good and still wants you to know him.

 

Get fit Saturday…am I ready for this???…HIIT???! What is that anyway!?!

I went on a diet earlier in the year, I’d slowly put a lot of weight on over the past few years – ya know, marriage, babies, loving eating in general… In fact, my husband and I both dieted and both lost around two stone but I still needed to lose some more.

The weight has been slowly going back on because I’ve been eating a lot of rubbish again so I decided last night I was going to eat healthier but also do training in the comfort of our own home, so I searched on youTube and found this absolute beginners HIIT workout and did it this morning. Mr toddler ran around crawling under my legs and laughing a lot and the baby napped.  It’s quite difficult to do the exercises with a toddler clamped onto your leg, funny though.  Chris has gone out today otherwise I might have tried to recruit him but I think it is doubtful that he would have done it. He probably would have found it most amusing…

I really, really want to be fit and healthy, partly because it will probably make me live longer, and as an older mum I want to see my kids for as long as possible. But I also know that living healthily does give you better quality of life and more energy. I also think it honours God, far more than sitting at home eating crisps does (which is a favourite activity of mine).

It has also been on my mind that are bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made with abilities that I certainly don’t fulfil or push my body to do. Our bodies are a masterpiece of creativity!

I WANT TO HAVE ENERGY AGAIN!!

 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 

 

yay!!

I don’t want to do it to look ‘fit’ haha and attract loads of men (probably good seeing as I’m married). Although looking fit is always a nice bonus…

I don’t want to do it as a way of making myself ‘feel’ better as such or make things right, because only Jesus does that.

But I do want to do it to improve my health and be more energetic, I do want to lose weight! I do want to push my body to do what it is created to do!

This is different to ten years ago, I found a diary entry that read something like “if I can lose weight and get fit and stop drinking and smoking then everything will be right and sorted…” NEWS – No it won’t. But it is still good to do.

so yes, back to the point, this was us this morning:

 

Flattering!

It is debatable whether I will continue, I never have in the past, but I’d like to! I just find it a bit boring, I prefer things like walking and gardening and I think if I could actually skateboard I’d like that too, haha (it looks quite exciting) or I’d quite like a scooter, they look fun. I am going to try to keep going though, it was a good, simple workout, he also has very nice hair.

Signing out for now.

Au revoir!

I made jam!

idolise me! (Joke, really, joke…)

 

I did though! really!

It’s Friday and time for a thankful post. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about being thankful and challenging the opposite of this, which I think often takes the form of bitterness and resentment. I feel that the scripture about looking at whatever is excellent, has been given me and it keeps coming up in my thoughts. I said before, I think it was in my ode to Chris, that God tells us to look for the excellence and anything worthy of praise.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I also think of this verse a lot at the moment:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,

This is in Phillipians 2, and it says directly before this that ‘it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure’.

So, I am asking the Holy Spirit to help me in this, well lead me really.

The verse I’ve quoted before out of John in which Jesus says “I do not give as the world gives…” is a favourite of mine.

I get angry and frustrated because we live in such a beautiful place, but life can be so confusing. We laugh at purity and goodness, relegate relationships, justify behaviour in any way we can and put others down because of our own selfish motives. Jesus knows and sees all of this and still says “I love you, invite me in…” and you know what? he then changes us.

What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
    nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him (1 Corinthians 2:9)

The world has us believe many things and puts many burdens on us. Jesus takes our burdens from us and gives us peace and freedom. “should we choose to accept it…”

I may be wrong but I think most of us want true love and true acceptance and true peace and the only, the only! place this is found is in Jesus Christ.

Ask him.

Today, I am thankful.

 

 

Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are?

That is one of my favourite ever nursery rhymes and it is now my sons favourite too. I don’t know much about the planets or stars if I’m honest but I have always just loved the sky, the clouds, the colours, day time sky, night time sky, stars, the moon…. especially the stars….  God determines the number of stars and gives them their names (psalm 147:4).

photography of starry sky
Photo by Free Nature Stock on Pexels.com

Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing. (Isaiah 40:26)

Isn’t that beautiful.

I can remember standing at our back door, probably in the months before I was saved ten years ago, drinking copious amounts of vodka and coke and smoking, looking up at the sky and repeating the rhyme

Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.

 

Almost feverishly, over and over

and wishing desperately for all sorts of things, to know love, to meet someone, to be loved, especially to be loved. for life to be made right…. I can remember crying out saying that’s all I want, to be loved….

I can remember repeating it over and over and crying, (in a little bit of a drunken haze, but in genuine spiritual pain), looking up at the stars and crying out to God without even realising it. I needed him and I was asking for help.

And He gave it.

The heaven’s declare…

Regarding our house sale, the builder fella came around yesterday to check what needs doing damp proofing wise, he was really friendly and seemed realistic and honest.  So we’re waiting to hear that all is well and our sale is going through.

Not heard anything on the croft since we heard our offer had been accepted in principle, I’ll feel a lot happier once the advert actually goes under offer though. I contacted them  again yesterday to find out what happens next. Whether it officially goes under offer at some point or whether it is because it has been accepted. It is the in principle bit I’m not sure about.

I’m really, really enjoying life on the allotment at the moment, there are turnips growing, sprouts, cabbages (only a few because they got eaten even though they are netted), runner beans flowering, summer and winter squash growing, courgettes, sweetcorn plants, onions, spinach, a few beetroot, lettuce and spring onions. One reason I’m really enjoying it is it seems it is the first year since we got the allotment that I’ve really been able to make a difference and do a lot of the work. It’s because I was pregnant with our toddler when we first got it and since then had the old post natal depression/anxiety /lack of get up and go and then another baby. Life has been busy! But busy is not necessarily bad and now the two boys generally play for a while whilst I do some work. I also LOVE going on with them, being outside is good, for them and for me and our relationship.

The little one has now started bum shuffling (he has got quite fast) and I leave him in one place and look up and he’s in a veg bed with something interesting like mud held between his finger and thumb, on it’s way to his mouth, like the finest delicacy.  Mr toddler is also starting to take an interest in the names of plants and of taking care of the beds and doing things like hoeing etc. I just have to watch he doesn’t dig my plants up. It’s brilliant this year because we never actually got round to planting any potatoes so he has basically got his own patch to play on/dig up/roll around in/learn to garden/whatever he likes.  He has been loving it.

 

We still have our four hens on the allotment too, they’re about 14 months old now, only three are laying at the moment, but one does look like it has been going through a moult, so maybe she will start again. We are going to need to rehome them very soon (it looks like we have found a home for them). I love having chickens, but I think it would be a bit much to take them 700 ish miles with us.

 

We can’t wait to get moved and start getting set up, I love the thought of getting our new chickens there, we will be able to have a rooster too! (we can’t where we are at the moment) and maybe ducks and sheep to start with. We are planning on putting chickens on the vegetable garden to clear it over autumn/winter (depending when we get there) and then sorting that out next year. It is walled but the wall has disappeared under grass, so hopefully we can get the wall uncovered and the house will have a walled garden again.

We have a dream/wish list in relation to the croft, one of which is a large polycrub in which we would be able to grow just about any veg/fruit/flowers we want. The problem in Shetland as far as I am aware is the wind and so a polycrub would be ideal. The only thing is the cost of the polycrub, we are praying that we will be able to get one.

We are also planning/wanting to plant some trees which should be suitable for the area, we have been researching a little on what would be the best options for the area – some of the suitable trees are downy birch and hazel and we should hopefully be able to use these somewhere on the croft as a wind break/shelter as well as having the joy of actually having trees there. There aren’t many on Shetland from what I have heard.  I have seen this week that the woodland trust sell landowner packs of trees and there is a pack called wild wood tree pack which looks ideal, even more so because the ones that are out of stock are not ones we wanted and the ones they are offering are the ones we wanted. So getting and planting these would be so good to do. It’s good that Chris and I are so on the same page with this really, we love planning this sort of thing, the gardens, the land, the trees.

When Jesus was first making himself obvious to me, I had been asking him whether he was real because I was desperate and did not know where to go with my life, I felt like I had no hope. I suppose everything had been made clear to me that “things” and even people just don’t cut it and hiding yourself in things like drinking don’t really work. I can remember driving into the countryside, specifically from Chesterfield into Ashover and praying the Lord’s prayer because it was all I knew regarding prayer really and begging Him that if he really was there to help me and I looked around and the fields and trees and skies had suddenly become brighter and just spectacular, it was in technicolour. So one of the ways he showed me himself was via the outdoors. It was just awesome.

P1020328
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork (Ps 19:1).

I’ve seen some interesting news in the last few weeks as well, Shetland is going to be homing some Syrian refugees, I feel really excited about this, we are still involved with the world! we are not cut off! I have to admit I have been wondering what sort of stuff we will be doing there and dreaming of what God may have for us to do. Dreaming is good, dreams can become reality, especially when you pray them, especially if it is actually God giving you those dreams…

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

I love this prayer. When you actually look at the words and what they mean, it is just brilliant.

(I don’t generally do the whole olde speak thy/thou thing, but I do with this prayer, because it is how I learnt it when I was young, and I like it. But you don’t have to, you can talk to God however you are comfortable, he loves you to talk to him).

See ya!

Sheep, Spinning and Jesus

On Saturday we went to Ashbourne sheep fair, on the recommendation of a friend.  It was brilliant.  They had all different breeds of sheep, brief talks about them, loads of wool at all stages of processing and quite a few people there with spinning wheels, spinning the wool.  They were so friendly and helpful, I saw one lady had a drop spindle which is what I bought recently and exclaimed “a drop spindle, I’ve just bought one and don’t have a clue what to do with it!”, she then showed me and also showed me how to use her spinning wheel and how to tease the wool out. She also advised on the type of spinning wheel to get if we were going to be serious about spinning our own wool. I’m not kidding, the ladies that were doing it were so good at it and it just looked so relaxing. One of them said she sometimes nearly falls asleep whilst she is doing it. Another spinner also talked to me about the best types of wool to use and what not to use to start with (apparently Merino is a difficult one). I so enjoyed it and meeting them. There were a couple there with their Shetland sheep (they don’t live in Shetland) and we spoke to them. We don’t have to have Shetland sheep because we are going to live on Shetland, but they do look ideal, they’re fairly small, they lamb easily, have plenty of milk for their lambs, seem fairly tough and apparently are easy to handle and are nice natured. They are also not prone to foot problems. Their wool is good to work with and according to the people we spoke to they are self shedding which may mean they don’t need shearing, but we need to look into that a bit more. There was another called a Ryeland, which we also quite fancied (as in to keep on the croft to eat the grass and for wool)  it looks a bit like a teddy bear and has good wool for spinning.

focus photo of brown sheep under blue sky
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me,  is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.  I and the Father are one. (John 10:27-30)

Jesus is talking about us and himself in the above writing, I love this passage, it sums up the gospel really, if we know Jesus and put him in charge of our lives, he knows us intimately and we are safe because we have eternal life with him, he is in charge and we are with him and trust him. Nothing and nobody can change this fact, including ourselves. It also says that Jesus is God, which is confusing sometimes, but he is, he came to earth fully man and fully God, put himself at the mercy of humans as a baby and then lived with his family growing up and experiencing all human life, even though he is God. That is quite remarkable. It’s like a king deciding to become part of a normal family but not telling them who he is, just being there with no pride, no thoughts that he is better than anyone else, just being and growing and learning and then starting his ministry in his thirties where he proclaimed the kingdom of God, saved, delivered and healed all who came to him. Well, it is a king doing that actually, the King of Kings!

Jesus ought to be the ultimate feminist icon really, he hung out with, spoke to, healed and forgave women at a time when they were classed as pretty lowly. I love the story of a woman caught in adultery, I’ve always identified quite strongly with this particular story. The Jewish religious people brought a woman to Jesus who they said had been caught in the act of adultery. According to the law, they could stone her, Jesus just seemed to keep really calm and said: let him who is without sin cast the first stone. He was the only one without sin and could have condemned her, stoned her, given them permission to stone her, but he did not – He said:

Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Amen….

Gifts…!!!

Today has been a good day. We went to Derby on the train, this was the first time our three year old has been on a train! He loved it, and he behaved so well. He was funny, talking all the way there, asking questions, looking out of the window. We’ve spent most of the day with our family, celebrating family, it’s been lovely.

image

Chris was in Shetland today! He also had a good day, he loves the Croft and Shetland and so things look good so far. He’s coming home tomorrow, I’m looking forward to seeing him. I’ve missed him.

Feels a little odd writing about the process at this stage, very vulnerable, because we want to put an offer in, but there may be other people interested too, so we may not get it. So we’re excited but also don’t want to get too excited in case we don’t get it and then we’ll be disappointed and it will be public! But I also think hiding it is a waste of time because why waste time pretending we’re not excited, when we are!!! We would love to live there. More and more I keep thinking, we just waste so much time being frightened of being disappointed, frightened of looking too into things/people, frightened of what we look like, just wanting to keep up appearances. Instead of being open, vulnerable and honest. I think it keeps us from rejoicing, because we’re scared to.

There is a part in the bible that says to rejoice when others rejoice, weep when others weep… (Romans 12:15), to me this summons up a picture of honesty, of being there for others, of taking life to the full, of admitting joy and disappointment and grief and being genuine. Whilst still having that deep, underlying joy because of Christ’s life, sacrifice and resurrection and the Holy Spirit within you. The joy of knowing him whether life is great or whether it has turned to rubbish.

This brings me onto what I believe God has been speaking to me about recently. Today, I have been hearing the word, gift, gift, gift, gift, gift, over and over again and have been talking to God about it. I believe this is in relation to life and what happens but most importantly to the people in my life. Before and even since becoming a Christian I have struggled with the thought of losing my family, of losing those close to me, I’ve imagined things so clearly at times, that it has felt as though it is real. I’ve imagined them suffering and my heart feels as though it will explode from grief, I’ve imagined them dying and the grief again briefly feels overwhelming, but then I’ve usually managed to stop that thought process. The thought of them suffering or even of something happening to me and of leaving them, of leaving my family on their own has occasionally been overwhelming (even though it is from my imagination). I am also aware that there may be people who are reading this who have actually lost those close to them or who are facing life threatening situations and my heart goes out to you.

So I believe what God is saying and what he is changing in me, is that he is changing my perspective. These people, my family, my children, my parents, my friends on this earth, even my own life – are not mine. They are His. These lives are gifts, from Him, they are not mine to cling on to. They are given because he loves us but also for unknown, higher purposes than those of which we are aware and I am to love and celebrate them, to mind and look after and nurture them and just do life with them and probably much more. These relationships in my life, although real and good and given for a purpose are not the end, and they are not permanent. One day, we are all going to die, we don’t know when, but there are hard questions to examine. What happens next? What is my life for?

These gifts of people, they are gifts, amazing gifts and should be celebrated (and grieved for)! But they are not what life is about. They are gifts to celebrate and one day give back. This may seem a bit macabre to some people, (and please remember I am not a theologian either) but it’s not macabre, it is freeing and releasing. This life and when it ends is not within my control and whenever and however it ends or whatever happens, God is good, He loves us and wants us to be with Him.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16).

God does not change, he loves us no matter what, every good and perfect gift comes from him. He is that perfect parent that we all strive to be or want, but don’t ordinarily get. The only way is through Jesus.

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high (Hebrews 1:3).

I’ve just included the above writing because I just love the way it describes Jesus. It sends shivers down my spine. He upholds the universe by the word of his power….

I’m a bit of an external processor, doncha know…