Category: spirituality

Goodness

So I’m going to briefly mention the last few weeks. As I’ve mentioned, I was ill, some sort of viral thing that started as a cold, worsened until I felt like I could hardly move with big temperatures, then as that part improved, moved to my throat and chest. I’m still not quite there yet, my voice is still a little hoarse and I’m still coughing but I feel waaaay better than I did. I can actually do stuff now. With two little ones at home too, it was difficult.

I’m fed up with getting ill, since being here we’ve all been much worse than normal. I’m looking at our diets now and I’m taking supplements too. Exercise is next, once the chest has cleared. And of course, following God closely and perhaps with a little more discipline. Not that this is guaranteed to avoid ill health but it’s something that’s on my mind.

Speaking of which, there’s a song by Bethel called the goodness of God and I listened to it and worshipped to it right up until my dad died. Then I couldn’t, I couldn’t bear to play it. I have been able to play it and sing it today for the first time since. It talks about singing of the goodness of God. He is so patient and kind, I’ve also had some pretty good Godly friends to talk to over the last few weeks/months. Who’ve also spoken God’s words to me and looked after me by pointing me to him. You know who you are, Thankyou.

God always meets you where you are. There’s no need to work anything up, be anything you’re not, just come to him and trust He’s with you and for you even when you can’t feel it or hear Him. Just trust. If you have friends who know Him, try them too.

(that’s my advice anyway)

Cathy

Things we take for granted.

Since the last post, Chris has plumbed our washing machine in and set up the drier in the barn. Which is incredible! For the last two months we have been taking clothes once a week to a laundrette (despite my initally loving the laundrette outside Tesco’s, it turns out they’re always breaking down). Then collecting them and taking more. Because of where we live, you have to drive to the laundrette, there’s no bus service or walking distance type ones. So! It feels pretty amazing to be able to do our own washing. Thankyou God for a man who is very practical and able!

So, I was talking to Chris and said how good it was and how little things make a huge difference and he said “well, it’s the things we take for granted isn’t it? There’s a blog there….” I then asked him if he wanted to write it, to which he replied no, I’m too busy. So I’m writing it.

Things we (or rather I, so I’m not generalising) take for granted:

Double glazing and solid doors that don’t blow a gale through them.

Curtain poles either up or able to be put up (the top of the upstairs windows are very close to the ceiling with it being a dormer). So currently, only one window covering up and held up by a garden cane.

nice view!

Washing and drying facilities (now sorted!…yippeeeee)

A bath/shower/bathroom – we have a sink and a toilet, very much looking forward to a bath. The feeling when we get one will be whoooopeeeeeee.

our bathroom at the moment.

This leads us onto waste disposal as of the toilet kind – we have a septic tank. This is normal here but is very new to us and needs checking out and maintaining.

Waste disposal as in of the rubbish kind. It is extremely easy in England to get rid of any rubbish, it is not easy here. We now pay monthly to have bins, they are collected and emptied every two weeks, you pay an additional fee for the weight, but they are very strict on what goes into their bins. How you’re supposed to get rid of normal glass or lightbulbs is currently a mystery to me. Glass bottles have to go into bottle banks, the waste collectors don’t collect glass. We think we are going to hire a skip when we have the windows done and just put everything into that, then hopefully problem solved. There were some old windows left here and quite a bit of other stuff that we need to get rid of. The only other options are either go north with it or have a big bonfire..

Health care/dental care/Hospitals etc. Healthcare here is private, you have to pay to go to the doctors and hence no NHS dentists (although the dentists was a lot cheaper than I was expecting and the one I got was brilliant). I applied for a medical card and for some reason it said we were not entitled even though Chris is not working, so I still need to work that one out. The kids should get an under 6 medical card.

Benefits – Don’t get me started on bureaucracy…. to get a PPS number for the children we had to get a letter saying our kids were resident and show their birth certificates…To get child benefit…you have to do exactly the same thing separately and do a paper application because I haven’t been invited to apply (if I had, I could do it online). i waited for a password to come through the post in order to verify my online account to be told I couldn’t apply online.

Places/groups to go to.

Shops to walk to.

Cleanliness – burning coal is dirty…no other word for it, everything within a day within the immediate area seems to develop a thin coating of blackness. We are getting an oil range installed in about two weeks, this will be so good.

Local ways/culture – we may think when we live somewhere like Derbyshire that there are no particular local ways or culture but I’m telling you there is and it is quite comforting when you know how people generally are.

Storage space – there will be some eventually, it’s just difficult at the moment, we are all sleeping in one bedroom and the other is a storage facility. Our room is lovely though, here’s a corner of it:

I’m sure there are plenty of other things but I’m going to leave it at that for now. That’s plenty. It is not meant to be a moaning/feel sorry for me list, but rather looking at what we have and realising it at the time, rather than realising afterwards!

What you soon realise too after moving is that wherever you live, there are people who love it but also tons of people spouting about how it’s gone to the dogs/not like it used to be/blah blah blah. That doesn’t seem to change wherever you are!

I want to do what God tells me to do and I so often fail, but I love, love, love, the following verses:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Words to live by – God is always dependable.

I feel especially at the moment with the whole Brexit palaver, border issues and so on, it is so easy to moan and groan and go on and lecture and ponder and slag people off, wherever you are. But wouldn’t it be a lot better to pray for our leaders? I’m going to try anyway.

There’s a lot of evil and horrible things happening in the world at the moment and it is good for your soul to look at the good things and be thankful (and pray about the bad things). The bad things do need facing and tackling and honesty is required about them being evil. Especially I feel, the recent change of abortion laws in New York and the UK trying to go the same way and also of course, abortion being introduced into Ireland. But! practicing looking at what is good can only benefit us and charge us up in the right way to then tackle the issues.

I just want to add onto the end of this, I miss you my friends and family, I miss you more than I thought I would. So love to you all. Just to also reassure you too – I am also very glad we have come here.

Why do I find being nice so difficult?

I do.

I confess.

I often find being ‘nice’ difficult. I get irritated and/or impatient and want to correct people, interrupt, or even just leave. Why??!! Other times, not a problem, patience unlimited… (This confession feels a little out there, and if you don’t like soul bearing please stop reading now! but I am telling myself it isn’t just me that feels like this ;))

I am asking God why. I’m sure there are many reasons…

Because I sometimes feel bad about myself or I haven’t identified why I’m upset or irritated and take it out on people. It’s when my identity is confused and I almost step back in time and become like the old Cathy, where bitching and being hard, putting others down and not caring about things was my protection, my shell. If you’re hard and don’t care you fool yourself that things don’t or won’t hurt and you can actually almost fool yourself into believing you don’t care and that the most important thing is to look after number 1 (and family) and that is it. Other people are never (or rarely) for you and cannot be trusted, so get in there first…. it’s when my priorities are mixed up or when I’m plain old tired.

Also, I hate fakeness and it feels fake to be nice when I’m not feeling it. But if I look at others as God’s creations and the precious beings that they are, then surely that should change? I am quite sure it will.

The fact is I get so hurt sometimes it’s unreal. Especially if I have trusted someone and I feel they’ve let me down or deliberately said something to hurt me, or if I think they’ve spoken behind my back. That’s a real deal breaker with me I’m afraid.

But you see, I know that is wrong… other people’s responses are not my responsibility. My response is. My attitude is.

I am called to love, to forgive, to proclaim the love of God and his salvation. To bring healing, to keep peace, to have mercy and show grace. That is who I am. A warrior for God. A peacemaker and healer. A restorer. A worshipper of Jesus. And that is what I will do, by the power of God in me. My mission, should I choose to accept it is to glorify God and show him to others so they can know his goodness and love for themselves. My mission is to keep looking at him and him alone.

He is good. I need to remember he didn’t choose me because of any qualities he put in me… He chose me because it is not his wish that any should perish. He chose me because HE is good, not me. But I now have the ability because of this to live my life differently. Just like you do if you accept him as your saviour. I didn’t go to our church on Sunday, but I did listen to the preach online – which was along these lines… and I feel that God really spoke to me through it.

I choose God. I choose to follow him. I choose to overrule my pride and hurt feelings, difficult though this may be, to follow him and I choose to do what is right. Well, after a little internal struggle maybe…but he usually works it out in me…although sometimes a situation feels impossible and I feel almost paralysed to do anything about it…he works in me/us for good.

And everything is fine…even good, even joyeous!

 

 

 

 

 

faith and love

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

We keep thinking what do we do now?

I have to admit I keep thinking wait… which sounds mad at the moment because we will need somewhere to live…but I still keep thinking wait (for the time being) and I am wondering if it is God speaking.

We have been looking at other places to buy, there is nothing in Shetland currently that we are really interested in, or Orkney. There was one in Orkney that was nice, but it has gone under offer and it wasn’t really what we wanted. We have also been looking at some other places in totally different parts of the country and pushing a door or two. I love looking at property adverts. I love looking around homes as well, but unfortunately the ones we are looking at online are too far away to view at the moment.

So…what to do?… I think lean on the Lord and wait on Him. Keep pushing a few doors and listen.

I remembered today, one item that was on my bucket list “lean totally and utterly into God and come to know him more and more and deeper and deeper” – be careful what you wish for crossed my mind (haha). But it is the only way for me. Jesus is the only way for me.

 

 

 

Tomorrow is not a certainty.

You know we all have thoughts that jump out of nowhere, they are often thoughts that are not even particularly unusual but they make us think.  I suddenly thought last night – today could be my last day here! I didn’t really believe it, but it is true, none of us know when our time is up in this life/body. So that got me thinking, so it could be said don’t sweat the small stuff, live for today, do what you want… blah blah blah…. or it could alternatively be said that the small stuff is extraordinarily important because that is what is important to people on an everyday basis in our lives.

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Strangely things like moving house, looked at from this perspective, actually don’t really matter. I think it’s personal things, caring for others, looking out for others, loving others, which is important.

It is not just important to us, it is important to God. He wants us to steward this life well.

One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. (Luke 16:10)

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.  You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ (Matt 25:21)

give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” (Luke 6:38)

He is a generous God. This gave me a little perspective I think, over the move. We really want it, but we tend to want it on our terms and in our timing (i.e quickly), but it’s not that important.  What is more important is how we do it and how we do life in general. God’s perspective is different to ours again. “give and it will be given to you” and he also talks a lot about helping people in need, about being there with them and doing nothing out of selfish ambition.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phillippians 2:3-4)

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:16-18)

The only way any of us can do this is through meeting Jesus, making him Lord over all of our lives and being filled with the Holy Spirit. Then we will be changed, jealousy and selfish ambition will be changed (sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly) into love and compassion.

I pray for this process to continue and for our perspective to come from you Lord Jesus. Our perspective is often off, yours is not. We are and will keep asking for your wisdom.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)

 

 

 

 

 

Roots…

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

i hate nothing about you with red heart light
Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

I’ve been thinking about this line, for the last couple of days.  When I say thinking, I mean it has just been coming back to me in my quiet times and has been at the back of my mind.

I can be very emotional  and when something upsets me or makes me angry, hurt just pours out of my mouth and then leaves me speechless and full of remorse afterwards for a while…well almost speechless…. Or! I clam up and store it all up and then explode at a later time. As moving house is supposedly one of the most stressful times in your life I suppose this is an apt post.

I really want to change my reactions, I’ve been thinking about how the only way this can change is to think about what actually upset me and deal with that (the root of the matter), because usually it is not actually the action or even words of the other, it is usually an association with some other event or hurt I have experienced, or even just plain selfishness when someone is stopping me doing something I want to do or even just tiredness! I also need the continual filling of the Holy Spirit and to rely on him, when I say also, I mean that needs to come first. I also need to be able to talk about whatever it is that is wrong calmly.

On our own we are not accepted by God, we have to come to him through Jesus and then we become fragrant and we live with God and through God.  But there is still stuff we need to deal with.  I love God, I need God. He is not a crutch as I used to think about Christians, He is real and the reason I need him is because we are made for him and by him. When we don’t know him we try and fill our lives with other things. Now I know Him I just want to be filled with Him and I become aware of my sin. Pouring out words indiscriminately is sin. But it hurts so much! when I feel unappreciated, unloved, tired, unfairly accused, put upon, completely confused with everything I feel I need to do.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth, like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth.

 By oppression and judgment he was taken away; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living, stricken for the transgression of my people? (Isaiah 53:6-8)

This is about Jesus and was written (prophesied) years before he lived and was crucified. He did not say a word despite being accused, oppressed and afflicted. He did not need or have to defend himself. He also did this for me so he became my righteousness. I do not need to defend myself, God is my defence. If I am guilty I need to say so, if I am not I do not need to say anything or even feel hurt. I do pray that God will give me the compassion to actually feel for the other person in this circumstance.

None of the previously mentioned upsets are reasons for not being kind. So I think I need to rethink. Stop doing things because I feel I have to and just enjoy being with my kids and husband. Meditating on scriptures and spending time with God is a must. So is accepting that I will sometimes get upset and hurt, I just want to sort out my reaction to it. My reaction is my responsibility, I want to operate from love not hurt or frustration.

I love my children, but I make so many mistakes and so often feel as though I’m getting it completely wrong. I read a post yesterday that I need to think about, it’s about how God leads those with young with gentleness. That what he want from you when you’re in this period of your life is gentleness. I thought it was a lovely post, I cannot find it again now for the life of me but when I do I will put a link up. It is normal stuff about playing with them/just being with them, going for general tidiness rather than sterility (as if) about meditating on scripture and just having this as a gentle time in your life, a time with them. As a person who tends to put extra stresses on herself, worry that she is not doing a good enough job and then tries harder (resulting in more anxiety) but then also get distracted by unimportant stuff this really spoke.

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
    he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
    and gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:11)

I love God, he really does give life.

Northumberland (No 1 off bucket list)

We have been up for a couple of days (Chris and I and the boys).  I have been coming up to Northumberland for years, first with my family (mum and dad and sister), then with my eldest daughter – mainly camping then, because it was affordable and fun. Now with Chris and the boys. Northumberland seems to be a bit addictive. I just love the coast, it is wild, stretches for miles and it is windy and amazing. No built up promenades here! You can also still take your dog on the beach no matter what time of year it is.

Our dog met the sea for the first time today, he wasn’t that keen, he had a few snaps at the waves as they were coming in and ran madly about on a long lead.  He was much better when we started throwing a stick in, he then started running in and out without much problem. For the first time I can remember though, the beach we were on was busy with loads of people on and other dogs, so there was too much noise and disturbance for him really, I think it made him a bit anxious.

It was a very mixed day today, funny how we have all these expectations and plans and it never turns out how we think. It was good but also bad, I was absolutely shattered because we didn’t get here until late last night and then the boys wouldn’t go to bed because it was exciting and then they got up early. So I’ve been quite moody….. but! we went to the beach AND we went for icecream, J loved that. I love the beach, I love the smell, the sea, rocks, sitting on the sand, just breathing it all in and being there. Also got some paddling in, which was great. The baby loved the sea too, kicking and splashing like mad. I think he is going to be quite adventurous.

The journey up last night was something else, the M1 was heaving, then there were the most torrential downpours and lightning, huge flashes and forked lightning too, which made the sky look purpley/pink. We then had to stop to feed the baby (he was crying and crying) and Chris went for a little wander and found a man who needed a jump start, so we drove over to do that, (he ended up having a bump start). It perhaps doesn’t sound like the most ideal situation but it was strangely peaceful. J was asleep in the back, I was feeding the baby in the dark in the front and Chris was outside helping the people who had broken down. The darkness and quietness made it easy to focus on the baby and it was lovely, a bit of quiet time with him. I could also look at Chris from a distance as he was talking to this man and his family and helping them. It sometimes helps to look from a distance. He was all lit up. He really likes helping people, I don’t think I really got that before but I saw it in his face last night. Not for himself, just because he likes helping people, because that is how God has made him.

Then after we had got there and settled (after midnight), we lost the dog. I didn’t check the gate on the balcony when I let him out and he went for a walk on his own. I searched around the campsite on foot, then got back in with the full intention of taking the car out to search for him. When I opened the door to go back out to the car, he appeared at the door, soaking wet from the rain but perfectly alright. We were so glad, and we were so relieved he came back. He has never been there before. I had been praying and praying as I was walking around, calling and whistling him and I fully believe it was God who brought him back and I’m very glad he did.

 

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Not even a ripple

That’s how Chris described the moving situation this week. Nothing, nothing at all. I’ve heard this is normal but it is frustrating. If we actually knew whether an offer accepted in principle was just an offer accepted or not, it would be fine…I’m guessing (as someone kindly commented earlier in the week) we’ll suddenly hear from everyone at some point and it will all go through.

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This photo was taken when we went to Carsington Water this week. It was a beautiful day. It was the day when I felt stressy and serious and we went out. We were VERY hot but it was a good day. We took a picnic again, my boy loves his picnics and we built things out of big stones and fended off geese.

Geese that seemed fierce but then weren’t
This was the nest we made for the geese

So I guess we just keep on looking up at our maker and seeking him and keep on keeping on. I love Psalm 27, I read it a lot when I was first saved. It is very calming and beautiful. You have said, “Seek my face.”My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek. Always Lord, always.

As a side note I’m quite interested in keeping some geese, I will have to read more about them and what types there are. I think they are good for field rotation with the sheep and keeping the worm count down too. Will get back to you when I’ve read more!

 

 

Associate with the lowly?

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. (Romans 12:16 ESV)

The phrase ‘associate with the lowly’ keeps coming back to me since reading Romans 12 again a few weeks ago. Why does it keep coming back to me? what is God telling me apart from the obvious?

Lowly – meaning – Low in status or importance; humble.  (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/lowly)

selective photo of teal cross decor
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I think I’ll just take it how it is and not try to analyse it too much – don’t get above myself, we are all made in God’s image – not just some. It reminds me of this scripture:

and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? (James 2:3-6)

also:

 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:36-40)

learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause. (Isaiah 1:17)

God’s world is an upside down world which is actually the right way up.

Learn to Do Good (learn to! you don’t have to be perfect)

Seek Justice

Correct Oppression (love this)

Bring justice

Plead the widow’s cause

But not for your own good or well being or getting a warm ‘fuzzy’ feeling or for any ‘thanks’ you might get

Because it is the right way to go….it is God’s way….

Again, the only way to this is through Jesus –

  • Jesus was born to a virgin who was impregnated by the Holy spirit, it had to be a virgin birth as he had to be pure/holy so he could be a sacrifice.
  • He went through his life and never ever sinned (so he could be a sacrifice for our sins) but because he went through life as a man he understands everything we may go through. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15)
  • He was fully a man and fully God
  • He was betrayed by one of his own disciples
  • He was cheered into Jerusalem one week and then put to death and jeered at by the same people a week later – they let a real criminal go free rather than Jesus (we are fickle).
  • He proclaimed the kingdom of God everywhere he went, healed people and delivered them from demons. He also performed miracles (and still does).
  • After being betrayed and found guilty, he was scourged until the flesh hung off his body and his bowels were exposed. He was jeered at, spat on and ridiculed. Yet he never defended himself.
  • He was crucified – and it happened exactly as predicted in the old testament (psalm 41:9, Isaiah 53:7, psalm 22:1-2, psalm 22:7-8, psalm 22:15, psalm 22:17-18 – read them, then read John 19).
  • When he died, the veil/curtain in the temple tore in two – this curtain was what separated the people from the presence of God (the holy of holies) they had to go through a priest in order to get to God and even the priest could only pass through the veil once yearly. It was sin that separated them from God. (After the death and resurrection of Christ there was direct access to God. Jesus was the bridge). When Jesus died people also rose from the dead and it was pretty dramatic:

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God! (Matt 27:50-54)

  • Jesus body was taken down, prepared and taken to a garden tomb, a large rock was placed in the entrance.
  • Jesus was resurrected and the tomb left empty – which ensures when we come to him and make him Lord over our lives (in charge) and we say sorry for trying to do it alone and put him in charge – we then have eternal life with him and a relationship with the God who made us and loves us.
  • He later ascended into heaven
  • Jesus defeated death.

We are made for and by God. Remember that. Think about that. That is why we are here (There is so much more than what I’ve written above but I want to keep it simple). 

Like someone said to me when I first went to church and kept returning but was not yet saved, they challenged me with “why are you here?” It was a good challenge, it made me think. So thank you Mr D W if you read this. You know who you are.

So,  hello and  “why are you here?”

It’s a lengthy one today, but it just sort of flowed man……It was helpful to me in sorting my thoughts and examining scripture. Thankyou for reading!