The Shepherds Adventure

That’s the view from the side of our house this morning, I had to get a snap on my way to the drier with the clothes. It’s really beautiful. It’s also cold, but not as cold as I thought it would be according to the forecast, not yet anyway.

I’m glad it isn’t too bad because Chris is riding to work on his new motorbike, well, his new second hand motorbike. He got one a week or two ago, what he terms a ‘workhorse’ or a ‘winter bike’, I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea at the time but it definitely was because our car has broken at the moment. It’s nothing tremendously serious, but we have to wait for the part to come. It’s coming from England and with the postal strikes, I really am not sure when it will arrive, I’m praying it is soon!

Ironically, the main reason for the bike was that we will have the jeep more and be able to go out. And we did in the week we had it, and we will again! Just not this week. So I guess I’m stuck with these views 😀 I think we’re off out for a walk in a bit.

So, yeah, prayers appreciated for Chris, who is riding backwards and forwards for half an hour or so on a motorbike every morning and evening. He loves it, but icy weather isn’t ideal, so I’m praying it holds off.

It’s also a funny thing not having any type of car for a short while and living here. We don’t really have a shop within walking distance (not with the kids anyway), I’m glad I stocked up a lot over the summer (we have a lot of soup :D), you see, my prepper tendencies are good! But some things, Chris will have to pick up until we’re sorted.

Call me soft, but I don’t really want to spend a whole day walking to the local shop and back with the kids. Although there are people round here who do that… kudos!

Bye for now.

Cathy.

Something’s been bugging me about the grief blog, I didn’t mean you shouldn’t trust God when you’re grieving, you should always go to God with everything and trust Him. That trust does build with knowing Him as well, I find. But what I meant is, don’t use ‘trust God’ as a glib response to anyone who is upset and/or grieving, as a response which actually means ‘stop going on about it’. When we have that response to people, things just get pushed down and remain undealt with and that is never good and prolongs things. Out in the light is always good, as in Jesus being the light, confess to one another and Jesus. Pray for one another. Can’t go far wrong.

Contrary to what I’ve occasionally heard people say before, a depressed person or anyone with any problems (so anyone basically) can actually bring Jesus to people just as much as someone who isn’t/hasn’t. Mainly because it is actually the Holy Spirit who does that mainstay of that work anyway. We just abide in Him.

I can remember being on a course and meeting someone who really, truly didn’t see that she was any good in any way, she was extremely low and yet she knew God was good and loved her and she really loved Him and she brought Jesus to people because of her extreme dependence on Him and her wonder actually that He could love her.

We aren’t a robotic people, we are the people of God. And the truth is, none of us is any good when it comes down to it. Y’know the slogans that are all over the place ‘you are enough’ ‘live your own truth’, Well, none of us are good enough, there is no truth apart from God, truth is truth, it cannot differ. You can’t be ‘good enough’ for God’s approval and yet our saviour Jesus, chose to die for us anyway. He didn’t leave us to it, He didn’t leave us as orphans (as the bible says), He lived His life on earth with humans, He died for us, He experienced hell for us and then He rose again and is still alive and well and in heaven. He will come back and He will renew the heavens and the earth.

It’s so wonderful, none of us is good enough or can make ourselves acceptable, but at the same time we are good enough, simply because we don’t have to BE good enough, we are sinful, but wonderfully made, and loved, he knows us from the foundation of the earth and we are made in His image. All we need to do is come to Him. Then we become His children, not only His children, but His friends and fellow workers.

Jesus has conquered sin and death and your mission should you choose to accept it, is to choose Jesus and live your life in Him. The man, the God, who chose to go to the cross for the joy set before Him (me and you) ‘despising the shame’ (Hebrews 12:2). He gave His life for you, even though He didn’t actually have to or need to. God doesn’t ‘need’ us. He chooses us. He saves us from hell.

A quote from Tim Keller on the gospel – You are more sinful than you could dare imagine and you are more loved and accepted than you could ever dare hope.

And I pray now, for those who are sleeping, to be woken, for those who are hurting to be consoled, for those who are broken hearted to be healed, for those who are lonely, to be set in families, for those who are hungry, to be fed.

He really does love you (and me).

Cathy.

So, having shared that I’ve found life difficult since we’ve come here, and I have. (I’m really glad I’ve actually said it.) In more ways than I’ve actually shared, but I’m fine to leave it there now. Thank you so much to the ones who’ve contacted me and shared things with me, because I wrote that, it was wonderful to hear, thank you for caring enough and taking the time to do that.

I’m now going to share some of the good bits, of which there has been many. I like challenges and I actually like having stuff to do, so in many ways, when we first came here, amongst the occasional ‘oh what have we done!!!??’ thoughts, it was exciting and stimulated you to do more stuff because there was so much to do! Chris has worked his ass off since we’ve been here too, it has to be said!

So, without further ado, here are some of the good bits.

This will probably use up all the space on the wordpress site, but hey ho! 😀

I haven’t got many photographs at the moment of the first year or so, they need extracting off an old laptop, but there’s a lot coming up which I love.

What I also love about this place is that we were accepted so readily, the people are friendly and have really helped us in so many ways. I love the quietness, the dark at night, the stars, the way the moon is often what lights up your way if you’re outside. I love the freedom , walking outside and taking a deep breath and looking round. Looking for birds and listening for them. Growing our own flowers and veg and all that. Home educating, being with my kids here – with freedom and actually just loving being with them. That God is here, in this place, that at night you can go to bed, in the pitch black, and just lie there with Him, knowing He is there. There’s a lot more to come probably that we will love. The pubs seem to do really good food as well. In fact, the food here is pretty awesome.

Chris loves being here, he really likes the people and just being here, he makes friends easily. He’s practical and is able to mend and make a whole range of stuff! So he was made for this sort of life really in a lot of ways. I love going to church (and yes..I get about church being people and church buildings and all that, I just don’t do much in the way of church speak, not on purpose anyway), I actually love it. So does Chris and since J has started reading, he’s started reading the mass sheet with the readings on it and asking about it. Littlest is just really funny and at the moment, either decides he isn’t going in at all and I have to wait for him to calm down and then take him in, or comes in and plays with lego on the seat or just cuddles me. I’ve realised I don’t actually have to be too paranoid about noise or about walking down the aisle with him to take him out. There’s been a lot of kids there over the years, there’s a lot of big families here, I think it’s just good that there are kids there! (and I think they think that as well).

The photographs are just a selection from the last couple of years that make me happy. Sometimes it’s easy to just think badly of yourself and think you’ve spoilt it by being upset sometimes. But I don’t actually think that’s true. It has actually been an adventure, with more to come, wherever we are.

It’s funny, how we think, as Christians sometimes, that we’ve got it all in hand, that we know what God ‘should’ be doing and then when he doesn’t do that, we’re put out. But what I’ve found since we’ve been here is that it’s His timing, His ways, and that He is actually first and foremost working on you and how you are, and that is good.

I have been thinking over the past few days about what I’ve learnt about God over the past four years, and what I feel I have learnt is, firstly, you trust Him no matter what, secondly, He isn’t blind or deaf (or mute), He knows everything about you, including stuff you try to shove down and hide, so there’s no point in shoving it down or hiding it, and thirdly, it is not legalistic to want to live a life that honours Him and in which you obey Him. It is good to live a life that honours Christ. God’s ways are the best ways, always, even if it takes a while to see it, and if you slip and fall, He is there to catch you. Fifthly (haha) – I’ve just realised it should be ‘fourthly!’ – he is definitely real.

Anyway, enough of the talk, photo’s, they are a bit random and there’s lots of baking shots, I’ve done a lot of baking since we’ve been here and it’s really nice! (I’ve included the shark cake because it makes me smile), I might do a four years in Ireland cake 😀 I’m also really hoping the page can cope with all the photographs!

So, four years in Ireland. I’m going to be honest in this one. It’s been hard for me. Chris has loved being here, but I’ve struggled a lot. I am going to talk about it, so if you sigh at this, just stop reading. But my dad died back in the UK, shortly after coming here and then I had to grieve by myself, here. On my own. Processing everything, by myself. Alongside everything else that’s been going on. Alright, not on my own, my immediate family are here. But no one else. And it’s funny how much a lot of people don’t want you to ever talk about this or be ‘unhappy’. Which actually makes grieving really hard and makes the process really hard and makes you mask how you really are. People often even ignore what you’re saying when you try and talk about it. I’m sorry if this seems condemning, it isn’t intended to be, I just want to be honest.

I’ve spoken before about grief and how strange it is, how you think you’re ok and then it punches you in the stomach and says, why hello! you thought I’d gone, now feel the pain. And it’s very difficult to know what to do sometimes.

I write to process, but because I don’t want to be subject to certain reactions or even none reactions, I haven’t been honest in the slightest. Since my dad died, I’ve struggled. I’ve had extreme lows frequently, I’ve cried a lot and that is still ongoing. I’ve got angry as a result and then other people have sometimes been in the firing line. I don’t go around in a miserable manner, or crying over everybody but I have actually been very, very, unhappy.

You see, I don’t know how to process grief really. I’m not sure if any of us do. But I seem to be bad at it. I’ve taken it to God and He seems to say the opposite to what others say. And when I say others, I mean people back in the UK. God seems to say, it’s fine. Grieve, feel it, stop covering it. No, you don’t have to pour out your own feelings on anybody and at anytime, but grieve. That doesn’t impinge on my plans.

You see, I have a problem with people feeling like you should be ‘over it’ and they seem to think this very quickly. And I’ve got something to say, and that something is stop.

You see, I’m sick of the hardline approach to this, people die, get over it, just trust God, It’s all in God’s hands.. and various variations to this. It doesn’t work. We are human, God made us human, with all the emotions that entails. And yes, we need to take thoughts captive and all that…but do you know what else… this can sometimes be confused with denying perfectly legitimate feelings that need to be thought and processed and worked through. It also leads to prayer.

I’m also sick of my own inbuilt thing that says to me, ‘why are you grieving like this? you don’t deserve to grieve like this? you weren’t even that good a daughter? and, other people have it far worse, why are you feeling like this?’ amongst other things, I think they are the thoughts that need taking captive. Not the actual grief.

Patience is a virtue…apparently…how strange that not many of us seem to possess much of it, or love.

Holy Spirit come.

Well, there you go, an outpouring from me. Inspired by someone else. Inappropriate? Appropriate? Condemning? Real? Truthful? Embarrassing? I have no idea, but I’m publishing it anyway. and yes, to all those who insist you count every blessing, yes, I am hugely blessed, and yes, I am also happy, which is a strange thing to admit amongst saying I’m very unhappy and sounds contradictory but isn’t really. It’s like everything, when you know God and things go wrong, it’s still terrible, but you do have his assurance and presence, so it’s sort of ok too, but not.

Sort of ok, ha, I’m really blasting down the evangelism route today…

So goodbye for now. Happier ones to follow!

Cathy.

So yes, this week, it’s been four years since we moved here. Four years! It doesn’t feel like four years. How many times can I say four years? Quite a lot, it would seem. Four years?!! haha.

Well, I thought I’d blog. I’ve really been enjoying writing them recently. I’m sort of crafting as it were. Writing different things, enjoying it. Trying it out. I always write to God when I’m stressed or worried. I keep a book, well several different books, strewn around the house, to write and draw in. And I tell you what, it’s really good. The other day I really felt like God was saying ‘Martha, you are…worried about many things…’ 😀 (Luke 10:41), so I did what it says in Philippians and took my many things to him in writing, anything! no matter how stupid or not right it sounded, went down on paper, it was great (and ongoing).

So, four years… As most of you know, a lot has changed. Both in the house, the ‘grounds’ (that sounds very posh, it’s a garden, some trees and a field), and in our lives. The area around the cottage is in certainly looks good compared to four years ago, it was extremely overgrown and damp. In fact, there was a little pool of water that used to appear on the kitchen floor near the wall, now no more! the place was very damp, we got heat into it and it started drying out. It was unpleasant for a while whilst it dried out and then it got a lot more pleasant and it’s actually a lot warmer now in general than it was then. We were all sleeping together in one room when we arrived (I actually quite liked that) and now we have our own rooms and beds not blow up mattresses. We have a bathroom with a bath fitted instead of using a tub and then a plaster bath to bathe in, in the kitchen – pure bathroom luxury now.

It has been exciting. it’s also been other things. But mostly we’re very glad we came here. We’ve definitely changed through the experience. We’ve had to learn a lot, especially in living with each other through massive change and hard work. Thankfully, God is with us and the Holy Spirit works in us and teaches us and changes us. God definitely gives you grace to be and live wherever you are. I love the growing thing, the front garden is a bit of a mess this year though, I need to sort that, I haven’t had much spare time or the right weather to do it this year.

It’s funny though, I’m a bit of an excitement freak, I quite like change in lots of ways and start yearning for different things once life gets settled. For example, I tagged Chris in a post advertised for the Isle of Canna in Scotland (as a gardener), but Chris, perhaps being a bit more realistic, ignored it. Probably for the best. Haha.

So, hello and thankyou to all the people who have faithfully kept updated and read the blogs and posts. Thankyou to a certain lady who even sent us a card on our wedding anniversary, I really, really did not expect that and it was awesome to receive it.

You see, it’s a funny place to be, sometimes, here. It’s gorgeous and it’s what we wanted, but you’re on your own a lot. Which, I am also ok with most of the time. But it can also be hard occasionally. Especially when I think about friends and family back home. So that gesture at that point was really lovely.

Thank you to another female friend who has taken me though life with her for quite a long time now (about 14 years), she is someone I can always go to and always get wisdom from her and motherly love. Godly wisdom. There are also a couple of others, who have helped keep me on the straight and narrow over the last few years. So thank you. I’m not naming names, but you should have a good idea of who you are. Ooh, it’s like the Oscar’s….

Sometimes I feel alone, but I’m not, firstly there is God, always. Scripture says he never leaves us nor forsakes us. Then there are others, friends. I’ve found that being thankful for the ones who care, thankful to God, sort of eclipses the bitterness that can build up if you aren’t careful, because of people who don’t. It’s easy to dwell on stuff that doesn’t matter and you need to talk reality to yourself. Y’know, ‘I am not the centre of everyone’s universe’ sort of thing, lol. I was really upset about a year ago, someone replied to a comment I’d made on something, with a really snarky remark. It really, really, upset me, I was feeling a bit vulnerable at the time. But then, since then, I’ve thought about comments I’ve made in the past that have probably really upset people and I think well, yeah, …. forgive them.

That’s the trouble with social media, you can write something and publish it at a click, and we don’t always think, or I don’t. Although I’m better at it than I was. I put a comment the other day and then deleted it because the tone and what I meant just didn’t come across well by writing it. And then that looks odd because you put something and then delete it. I’m a bit too impulsive for socials in a lot of ways, I’m a bit reactive, or can be. That can be a strength though, as well as a drawback. You get good at sincere apologising. haha.

I went back on facebook after a few weeks off in November and it’s funny how it disrupts me and disturbs me in a lot of ways. I found I was hearing God a lot more too, when I was off it. There must be a happy balance.

Right, I’m off now, we’re putting the tree up today and all that. Should be a good’un. And, hello family! we miss you. I’m still hoping to get across some time over the next six months. It’s been a long time.

See you soon. May God bless you in every way.

Cathy.

I walked into the dining room the other day to hear J saying to I (younger brother), ‘yes, God loves bad guys y’know’ and littlest exclaiming ‘He loves bad guys!’ and J replying ‘yes, He does.’

I love that they know that anyone can come to God and know Him through Jesus, no matter what. That everybody is made in God’s image. And that God so loved the world that He sent His only son to save them.

Happy Advent! (I want to scream Happy Christmas really!!!! )

Cathy.

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and have decided to publish it 😀 It is a bit of a nonsense post it has to be said.

I sometimes wonder what I could write on here and get away with… then I think, no that’s childish… then, I think, fun though. There are all sorts of things I can think of but that are just not appropriate (said in an English posh voice).

I’ve just been interrupted from my writing by one of my sons appearing to choke violently because I asked him to eat another mouthful of mashed potato. Then I think, when he’s older, in view of what today’s society is like, because I’ve written that, I’ll be classed as intrusive and inappropriate once again. lol. He’s fine, by the way. And they are actually, usually, very healthy.

I dislike that word ‘inappropriate’, there are, of course, things that are inappropriate, y’know, eating with your mouth open, having sexual encounters in public, yelling at anyone at all nowadays.. which is also bizarre coming from a 70/80’s child where everyone seemed to yell. But I think it’s the way I’ve heard it said many times, which was in a totally condemning way, puffing up the speaker in a way I’ve rarely seen. ‘How inappropriate’. (said in their mind, I’m so much better than they are.)

Of course, it’s all from my perspective, so, whether it’s true or not is another matter. and I’ve said it before at some point in my life, just like most of us. I try not to nowadays because there’s usually a lot better way to put things. And saying, ‘that’s inappropriate’ to people without explaining, rarely goes well. And talking behind their back, well, that’s even worse.

So, there you go, a blog about something or nothing. Feel free to say ‘how inappropriate’. Spike Milligan would be proud. I like his poems. I’ve been learning some of them with the kids recently. I had a little book of his poetry too, when I was a kid, I used to love them, especially the little drawings and the bizarreness of it all.

God loves ya folks.

Ta ra.

Cathy.