Tag: Bereavement

When someone dies…

Another one I’m not sharing on face book etc. I don’t think…

I’m currently sat here watching ‘the great British bake off’ with my youngest. Eating salted peanuts and feeling a little sorry for myself. It’s quite nice really. I’ve got a cold, so I’m allowing this today…

Anyway, doesn’t life get thrown on its head when someone dies? I don’t know if it’s the same for most people, but I’ve found, particularly when my dad first died, it throws up all sorts of thoughts. Some of the main ones for myself were regarding life and stages of life. How bizarre and short it actually is and that we are going to actually spend most of time in eternity, not here. So why are we here? I’m not going to answer that one other than there is purpose, of that I’m sure. We are made by God and for God, of that I am also sure and He is a good God. It’s a funny old life. But there are joys everywhere as well as sorrows.

I started looking at my kids and thinking about how my dad had once been their age (and wondering what he was like) and then at ourselves and thinking, he was our age too… then looking at the children again and thinking, they’ll probably be old one day, they’ll die too, and it’ll pass so quickly, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. Also, how we all have to die and go through that process.

What is life about? I can tell you now, it isn’t about eating and drinking and what you can get out of it in a selfish, all about us sense. That stuff, even me sat on the sofa eating peanuts, doesn’t make us happy. It’s allowed and it can be nice and food can most definitely be a joy and a blessing…but It’s not what we’ve been made for…we are made for God and by God. And until we come to Him we will always try and stuff our lives full of things and ‘causes’ in search of our meaning.

Life is short and unpredictable. Live your best life, seek God, seek His will and His way. Seek out the good that He has for you, the talents He has given you, seek beauty. You were made you for a purpose. Be the you He made you to be. Don’t be anything else, don’t waste your time trying to be someone you are not. You were born to be you. Simple is good, remember that. The only way you can know you is through your creator.

He loves you.

Personal

This is quite a personal reflection/prayer and I’m not sharing it anywhere apart from here. It’s just something I wrote this morning to God. I often write to God. I find it works well for me.

I miss my dad, Lord.

I see his face, his presence, hear his voice, and I want him to still be here.

Its not right that he isn’t here (in my finite mind).

Please can I see him again in heaven? Please.

I miss him so much.

I wish I had a letter from him.

I wish I’d known him better.

I wish I’d loved him better.

I can’t believe he’s dead in some ways.

I suppose that is because eternity is written into the human heart.

Thank you.

Amen.

Ouch!

It’s funny but I was just sat here having a cup of tea and suddenly thought ‘my dad’s died’ and teared up. Isn’t it strange how losing someone effects you. Normal morning, normal conversation, feeling pretty ‘normal’ then ouch, pain. I suppose it makes me aware to the fact that there is a lot going on inside all of us though. Definitely more than meets the eye.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the Lord said to Samuel. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

This is one of the many reasons I love God, he sees our hearts, not just our outward appearance. Thank you Lord.

Warning…personal…

I’m feeling a lot of stuff at the moment. A lot of emotion, a lot of pain in my heart about my dad. This is all I’m willing to put up about it really. I really, really miss him, which seems strange in some ways because I moved to Ireland and hadn’t seen him in person for 2 1/2 months, but I miss him, I feel like part of me is gone somehow. I wish I’d seen him, I wish I’d got to him, I wish…But I spoke to him a day or so before which is good. I can still hear his voice when I think about it. I keep seeing his face in my mind’s eye, hearing his voice, saying hello lovely girl. I think I’m okay and then I feel devastated again. It seems impossible that he is gone. I keep asking for him back.

Here’s to all of you who’ve lost someone, we all do and it hurts so much. I suppose the cliche is that when we love, we will also have pain at some point. It’s all part of the cost of loving someone and I’m not giving up love.

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)