We have a bath! I can not describe the absolute feeling of glee and pure luxury it gives us. The taps aren’t connected yet because we will need to move it out of the way again for painting etc but we can drain the water out using the plug! It is so much easier and less messy than filling and then pailing out the plaster tub, which we’ve been doing for a year (before that it was a large bucket that we were standing in to wash). I want to re-iterate this, it is awesome! May I never take the ease of a plumbed in bath for granted again. It really is pure luxury. It makes everything seem better weirdly and once in you don’t want to get out. Thank you God for baths and husbands who can fit them.
Another one I’m not sharing on face book etc. I don’t think…
I’m currently sat here watching ‘the great British bake off’ with my youngest. Eating salted peanuts and feeling a little sorry for myself. It’s quite nice really. I’ve got a cold, so I’m allowing this today…
Anyway, doesn’t life get thrown on its head when someone dies? I don’t know if it’s the same for most people, but I’ve found, particularly when my dad first died, it throws up all sorts of thoughts. Some of the main ones for myself were regarding life and stages of life. How bizarre and short it actually is and that we are going to actually spend most of time in eternity, not here. So why are we here? I’m not going to answer that one other than there is purpose, of that I’m sure. We are made by God and for God, of that I am also sure and He is a good God. It’s a funny old life. But there are joys everywhere as well as sorrows.
I started looking at my kids and thinking about how my dad had once been their age (and wondering what he was like) and then at ourselves and thinking, he was our age too… then looking at the children again and thinking, they’ll probably be old one day, they’ll die too, and it’ll pass so quickly, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. Also, how we all have to die and go through that process.
What is life about? I can tell you now, it isn’t about eating and drinking and what you can get out of it in a selfish, all about us sense. That stuff, even me sat on the sofa eating peanuts, doesn’t make us happy. It’s allowed and it can be nice and food can most definitely be a joy and a blessing…but It’s not what we’ve been made for…we are made for God and by God. And until we come to Him we will always try and stuff our lives full of things and ‘causes’ in search of our meaning.
Life is short and unpredictable. Live your best life, seek God, seek His will and His way. Seek out the good that He has for you, the talents He has given you, seek beauty. You were made you for a purpose. Be the you He made you to be. Don’t be anything else, don’t waste your time trying to be someone you are not. You were born to be you. Simple is good, remember that. The only way you can know you is through your creator.
He loves you.
This is quite a personal reflection/prayer and I’m not sharing it anywhere apart from here. It’s just something I wrote this morning to God. I often write to God. I find it works well for me.
I miss my dad, Lord.
I see his face, his presence, hear his voice, and I want him to still be here.
Its not right that he isn’t here (in my finite mind).
Please can I see him again in heaven? Please.
I miss him so much.
I wish I had a letter from him.
I wish I’d known him better.
I wish I’d loved him better.
I can’t believe he’s dead in some ways.
I suppose that is because eternity is written into the human heart.
So I’m going to briefly mention the last few weeks. As I’ve mentioned, I was ill, some sort of viral thing that started as a cold, worsened until I felt like I could hardly move with big temperatures, then as that part improved, moved to my throat and chest. I’m still not quite there yet, my voice is still a little hoarse and I’m still coughing but I feel waaaay better than I did. I can actually do stuff now. With two little ones at home too, it was difficult.
I’m fed up with getting ill, since being here we’ve all been much worse than normal. I’m looking at our diets now and I’m taking supplements too. Exercise is next, once the chest has cleared. And of course, following God closely and perhaps with a little more discipline. Not that this is guaranteed to avoid ill health but it’s something that’s on my mind.
Speaking of which, there’s a song by Bethel called the goodness of God and I listened to it and worshipped to it right up until my dad died. Then I couldn’t, I couldn’t bear to play it. I have been able to play it and sing it today for the first time since. It talks about singing of the goodness of God. He is so patient and kind, I’ve also had some pretty good Godly friends to talk to over the last few weeks/months. Who’ve also spoken God’s words to me and looked after me by pointing me to him. You know who you are, Thankyou.
God always meets you where you are. There’s no need to work anything up, be anything you’re not, just come to him and trust He’s with you and for you even when you can’t feel it or hear Him. Just trust. If you have friends who know Him, try them too.
(that’s my advice anyway)
I’ve just realised we’ve now been here 5 months. Seriously, it’s going so quickly it’s ridiculous.
So what have we learnt in the last 5 months and what has changed?
- God is good, Chris got a job actually in Leitrim in spite of it being thought to be unlikely and there’s been countless other blessings.
- When you feel like you can’t go on, you can.
- We’ve gone from having a dirty, dusty, coaly house to one that just has normal dust and gales no longer blow actually through the house.
- Electricians are difficult to pin down…
- Most of the Irish services we’ve had have been brilliant and turned up on time and done the work excellently. Despite being told by a few people before we came, we would have to constantly be on people’s backs to get stuff done.
- Children love being outside and will always find something to play with.
- I’m less lazy than I was. It’s just harder work than where we lived before. Even getting a wash involves planning!
- It doesn’t matter where you live. Material belongings or eating and drinking don’t satisfy us or make us happy. Only God does and that means we can be anywhere and be content if we live with Him and submit to Him. Put it this way, if you’re not happy in Chesterfield, you probably still won’t be happy in Ireland. Environment matters, but only to a certain extent.
- I’m learning (or trying to) that I can’t have everything immediately). Also, to try and be in the moment I’m in instead of constantly thinking of what I still have to do… I find this difficult.. The house drives me nuts when I let it..
- I can no longer flush anything or wash anything down the drain without thinking. Our water goes straight into the land and the toilet goes into a septic tank..I feel slightly more responsible ‘adult’ now. Fat gets scraped off, food either gets eaten or goes for composting, Bleach generally does not get used…etc etc.. still not queen of the green, but better than I was.
- It is a beautiful place and I am very thankful.
- God has plans for us that we don’t yet know about. I have a real sense of anticipation again. It’s exciting.
only joking! (As Chris would say).
It’s our outside fire that Chris has made for us. It’s great, the tombstone makes sure the smoke doesn’t go everywhere. Hoping to cook on it sometimes this summer.
New bed dug today, only a small one. J said he wanted to grow carrots, so I dug one and the seeds are in. I’m not sure whether they’ll work, the seeds are from last year and I’ve never had much success with carrots, but I guess we will soon see. The sticks mark the rows.
I gave J his own little bit of garden today (he chose it), mainly because he kept running on and digging in the bits I’ve planted. In the photo he is using my early birthday present. He’s really good with it too. It’s a Wolf Garten set, they have interchangeable heads and the ones I chose are a tiller and a weeder. J has also sown some sunflower seeds too today. He seems to really like gardening. Maybe we should start a family business 😆.
It’s funny but I was just sat here having a cup of tea and suddenly thought ‘my dad’s died’ and teared up. Isn’t it strange how losing someone effects you. Normal morning, normal conversation, feeling pretty ‘normal’ then ouch, pain. I suppose it makes me aware to the fact that there is a lot going on inside all of us though. Definitely more than meets the eye.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel. “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
This is one of the many reasons I love God, he sees our hearts, not just our outward appearance. Thank you Lord.